feelings

today sucked. stats are weird today. i dont know how to help someone. i cant help them. its not my responsibility to help them but i need to. i have no idea what to do. i need a job. i need to be more confident. i dont know.

statsgiving

its thanksgiving today. my sisters over. feels weird, abstract, i dont feel like myself in the least. everythings dull. pulse normal...heart rate fast; blood is pulsing. i dont want this sickness but i cant help but revel in this pain sometimes.

stats

i dont like being here but i dont have a choice. the same angsty bullshit i dealt with as a teenager. what the fuck. medicine sucks. who am i. i didnt ask to be born. i miss my friends.

cinema

Drinking a red bull. its gross. taste like cough syrup . stats are normal vitals are fine. paranoia is a constant but anxiety really hits home. i have gotten  used to the numb features in my head and the effects of life draining my mind. classical music reminds me of my cousin. i miss. head cloudy in a daze. i need a cigarette.

real talk

Im pretty high right now, and half asleep. thinking about the wind and the noises and the life ive lived. thinking about someone i cant trust. thinking about everything wrong and everrything right. missing my home. my old home. this new one only holds negative memories. i miss my tree and my yard and my neighborhood. i cant accept change but i want it to come. everything is angsty bullshit